By: Shannon Berghoff, Cape Girardeau School District
I know. It’s not as clever as the original song of Ghostbusters, but the message rings clear. Every year, I do something that makes most teachers cringe: I pick up the phone and call home. I love it. With each phone call, I get to see into the lives of my students and work to make allies with their families.
This was not always my perspective and attitude. I didn’t always want to make the phone call home. I, too, was terrified of the unknown and really good at going through every possible bad scenario, allowing them to be my justification for not calling. Phone calls about negative behavior in the past had NOT gone well. I’ve been demeaned, yelled at and caught off guard. I learned these scenarios can be prevented when you start with a positive call.
Not every family has a great relationship with schools. Adults have shared with me about how they, or their child, were humiliated by a teacher in school, or how every phone call they’ve received from the school’s number was negative. No wonder our phone calls did not go well! We have to rebuild those burned bridges by finding the good to share first. Then, trust with the school begins to be formed.
At the beginning of every year, within the first weeks of school, I make sure every student I work with gets a positive phone call home. Their families hear something positive about their child. In those calls, the demeanors change from suspicion to gratefulness as they realize that someone sees the good in their child.
It’s the middle of the year. Why start this now?
It’s February. I know you’re busy. You’ve had professional development, grades due and a new semester to plan. Making positive phone calls just feels like one more item to add to your checklist. However, you know your students. Over the past semester, you have put in the time and built knowledge about them. You know who may need a positive phone call right away to ensure that this semester things will be different. You don’t have to give a call to every student. Hand pick the students with a pattern of distracting behaviors and make a point to find something positive about them to share within the first week (or two) of the semester.
What if there isn’t something positive to share?
Make a point to find the positive that day. Watch that child and find even the smallest positive detail to share. It could be that their handwriting was readable, that they cleared their lunch tray nicely or that they picked up a pencil from the floor (even if they threw the pencil there in the first place). You then let that family know how impressed you were with that behavior (sincerely) and how excited you are to have that child in your class. This call shows you care enough to call and when you call next time, the family will be more receptive to what you have to say.
I was once told, “If you can’t find the good, you aren’t looking hard enough,” and I live by that ideal. The sad fact is that by the fourth grade, when I’m making the positive phone call for a child, over one-third of my families shared that it was the first positive phone call they’ve ever had. That sat like a rock in my stomach. Fourth grade is far too long to wait to hear something good about your child. This child may very well be the only thing that makes this family smile each day.
Now that the positive has been shared and the families know their child is seen and appreciated, your next calls have a platform of previous love and care. When a negative behavior arises, your call shows you want what’s best for the child and are willing to put in the time and effort to help. In my experience, most families respond better to a negative phone call after the initial positive call (even months later).
What if I see more than 40 students each day?
By the end of the first week, you probably have an inkling of who may become a concern in the future. A prior teacher may be able to give you a bit of insight as well. Pinpoint those students, and make a point to find something positive about those few students to call home within the second week.
Can’t I just send them an email or other message?
May I be frank? Yes, you can, and it is faster at first. However, in the long run, you’re creating a problem that will take much longer to resolve. Start with a positive call and it will make your life easier. Even as I write this article, I know that anyone can:
1. Misinterpret what I’m trying to communicate because my message in text cannot convey emotion (For example: Maybe you didn’t know I told two jokes at the beginning. You can’t hear my chortling as I wrote them).
2. Copy and paste onto any social media platform – removing or adding text that will support an agenda not intended.
3. Misinterpret the tone the families use with you when they respond.
I have had all three of the above mentioned items happen to me. Families and coworkers were upset with me because of messages I had written. I remember speaking with a principal about an email in which my intention was declarative sentences in a calm tone, but it came across as aggressive. I’ve had families post a response I made in an email on Facebook to rake it over the coals. I also have been so heated about a message (or two) from a child’s family member and read it in a mocking tone, feeling so righteous in my anger. Then I called to respond and realized all too quickly that I had misread the situation. I forgot to give them the benefit of the doubt and immediately jumped to a very wrong reaction.
In conclusion, phone calls home do not have to be intimidating and scary. In fact, you can start with phone calls on day one! A short, positive phone call home for every child you work with can make a big difference when concerns arise. Additionally, a quick digital message is great for whole class reminders and updates. However, if a child has an academic or behavioral issue that is big enough to send a message, schedule 15 more minutes to make the phone call instead. Do not create an opportunity to be misunderstood. Will you make the call?